There is a misconception about people who are kind.
About people who normally don’t get upset at others.
About people who treat others with kindness and compassion.
Even kind people get angry.
Even kind people get upset sometimes.
Even kind people feel like pounding the wall on occasion.
The difference between kind people and those who are not so kind is that anger is not their default state of being.
It is not their preferred way of interacting.
They see the disadvantages of acting out of anger or rage, and they choose to avoid it.
This does not mean they don’t feel the anger.
This does not mean they don’t get riled up.
This does not mean they don’t feel like fighting.
It just means they look for a different way of expressing themselves.
They look for a more productive way.
A way that can avoid the escalation of emotions.
When anger is met with anger, it rarely leads to a productive outcome.
It rarely serves either person involved.
And it often creates situations that can easily spiral out of control.
Which leads us to make decisions and say things we regret later.
It causes us to act in ways that once we calm down, we don’t even understand ourselves.
Of course we all get angry sometimes.
Of course we all experience anger in our own way.
Yet it is a conscious choice how we decide respond to it.
How we decide to interact with it.
How we decide to move forward with it.
Not responding out of anger is the surest way to de-escalate matters.
It is like putting water on a fire.
Things stop burning out of control and we can begin to talk more calmly and rationally.
Yet still the other person may be angry.
And we may be too.
That does not mean we have to be unkind or vicious.
We can be compassionate both to ourselves and to the other person.
No matter how we feel inside.
We still have to deal with those feelings.
We still have to release that energy.
Yet we don’t have to release in front of the other person.
That’s what kind people do.
~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant