We spend a lot of time on our relationships.
We work hard to make them work.
Yet there is one relationship we often forget about.
That is the relationship with ourselves.
We often feel that if someone breaks up with us there is something wrong with us.
If our parents don’t agree with us we have to find a way to make them agree.
If our friends do not treat us exactly the way we want be treated they are not really our friends.
In all of these situations we forget what is most important.
The primary relationship that affects all others.
The key to having a good relationship with anyone else.
It is the relationship we secretly have with ourselves.
How are we really feeling about ourselves?
How do we talk to ourselves?
How do we treat ourselves especially when no one else is looking?
These are important things to look at.
They determine how we show up in the world.
They underlie all our interactions with other people.
Before we can truly have a strong relationship with another human being, we must first have a strong relationship with ourselves.
We must show up for ourselves.
We must take care of ourselves.
We must value ourselves.
For if we do not do any of these things, no one else will.
How can they?
How can someone else treat us better than we treat ourselves?
And if we did, how would we be able to accept it?
If we do not feel worthy, confident, at peace, how can being with someone else make us feel these things?
They can only distract us from the unsettled feeling we have inside.
We use our relationships to find what we are missing within ourselves.
Yet it is a frustrating endeavor because no one else can fill us up.
Only we can fill up our own cup.
Only we can give ourselves the acceptance we so look for.
Only we can give ourselves the love, the kindness, the appreciation we so crave.
Yet when we do, others can see it in us.
They are drawn to it.
And they reinforce it.
When we truly love ourselves it becomes easy to find love.
And when we don’t we just give it to ourselves.
No one wants to be lonely and alone all the time.
Yet when we start by improving our relationship with ourselves, all other relationships improve.
When we are truly good with ourselves then we will naturally be good with others.
~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant