How We Feel About Life Is About The Projections We Send Out

We see things in life all the time that we are sure are real.

How someone says something to us, and the meaning behind it, are clear to us.

Our memories are filled with moments that we are certain happened a specific way.

All these life experiences actually happened, yet they are filled with our own projects.

What our friend did is because they don’t like us.

What our partner said is because they’re mad at us.

The Why our parent acted is because they are not proud of us.

We constantly think we know what is going on inside someone else’s mind.

Yet what we are doing is projecting our own feelings and our own interpretations onto our experience.

Perhaps our friend was just in a rush and forgot to be polite.

Perhaps our partner got some bad news we don’t know about and they are mad about it.

Perhaps our parents just learned that a friend of theirs died and they’re upset over it.

How we interpret the world around us has less to do with the actual events and more about how we feel about ourselves.

Do we feel deep inside that we’re not good enough? Do the things we experience make us feel less than?

Do we feel that there’s something wrong with us? Do our relationships trigger those feelings?

Do we feel that we don’t deserve good things? Do we often feel the other person is taking advantage of us?

It’s not so cut and dry.

Our perspective and our self-image have a lot to do with it.

Perhaps when we get triggered we can use it as an opportunity to look inside instead of outside.

Perhaps when we feel someone is against us we can check in and see if we are battling with ourselves.

Perhaps instead of assuming it’s always about the other person, we can take a step back and look for how we might be projecting something onto them.

Maybe we will find it is…

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

By Appreciating More And Comparing Less We Enrich Our Lives

We spend a great deal of time comparing ourselves to others.

He’s so much taller than I am.

She looks so much thinner than I am.

They have a bigger house than we do.

These comparisons rarely bring us peace or joy.

Do you think she’s prettier than me?

He looks like he makes more money than I do.

Look at that new car, it must run so much better than ours.

Yes, it depends on which side of the equation we are on.

Yet even when we temporarily make ourselves feel better by comparing, in the long run, there’s always someone who has something nicer, bigger, or better than we do.

Do you think this restaurant is better than the other one?

Do you like this movie better than the one last year?

Is this book a better read than that one?

Especially when we compare two things that are not directly comparable, we set ourselves up for disagreement.

How about, they are both good in different ways?

How about, I enjoyed both equally for different reasons?

How about, For where I was at that time in my life it was perfect, and now that I’m at a different place, this is perfect instead?

 There are many factors that go into what is good/best/better at a specific time.

By comparing different things that all have something to contribute we diminish each one.

When we learn to see everything as having some value, each in it’s own unique way, we add to each one.

When we stop comparing and start seeing things in their own light, we can appreciate each one.

Yes, there are times when comparison can be useful.

Yet perhaps we can enrich our lives by appreciating more and comparing less.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

When We Accept That Life Is Perfectly Imperfect We Find Freedom

Life is not about everything going right or the way we expect.

Life is not about getting things perfect and avoiding all mistakes.

Life is not about steering clear of pain and frustration.

Indeed, all of these can help us to grow and be stronger.

Yet so often we would do anything just to avoid being wrong.

It is only in the acceptance that life is perfectly imperfect that we find true freedom.

We find the freedom to be ourselves.

To take chances.

To be joyful even when our choices lead us to a disaster or two.

By releasing our attachment that we are meant to “get it right” all the time that we can learn to just enjoy the ride.

Mistakes are our friends.

Failure is our teacher.

Pain is our messenger.

When we begin to accept that they are all a part of life and there is nothing “wrong” with any of them that we truly start to live.

When we learn to accept whatever life brings us with grace and curiosity that we live with less stress and less anxiety.

It is possible for us to get there.

Not next year or in a decade.

We can be there now.

We can be there by just putting off our judgment of the moment we are in until tomorrow.

And tomorrow we can just put off judging the moment until the next day.

And so on.

Let’s just let go of our desire to label and control things for one day.

That’s all we have to do.

Can we start doing that today?

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

The Kinder We Are With Ourselves The Easier It Is To Take Responsibility

How do we take responsibility for our actions?

How do we show up when we’ve made a mistake or done something we thought better of afterward?

Do we justify and throw blame on to others?

Or do we go beyond the idea of blame and merely make right what we have done?

All too often in this society, we find that people fear to take responsibility for their actions and words.

We see how people deny or change what happened out of fear.

Fear drives us to hide from the consequences of our deeds.

We fear how others will respond and react to what we have said or done.

We fear it not because of what others may do.

We fear it because of our own judgments about ourselves.

We fear it because we are being too hard on ourselves, and secretly we are condemning ourselves long before anyone else knows what happened.

This is because we are always our own worst critic, our own worst detractor.

We are far harsher on ourselves than anyone else can ever be.

Our fears are not about what others may do.

Our fears are about merely being exposed and being seen for what we have done.

We fear being human.

We fear making mistakes.

Yet when we allow ourselves to be human and make mistakes, we allow others to do the same.

When we become more compassionate for ourselves, we can be more compassionate for others.

And when we all soften into compassion for being human, there is no reason to be afraid to take responsibility.

We are all guilty, so let’s be more kind to ourselves and to everyone else.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

We All Contribute Our Talents And Skills In Our Own Unique Way

We often do not recognize our true gifts.

The things we are good at just come naturally to us.

We don’t think they are a big deal.

Yet when we ask someone else what they think our gifts are, we are quite often surprised by their answer.

We are surprised not because we didn’t know it.

We are surprised because we didn’t value it the way they did.

To us, that talent or gift is just part of who we are.

We’ve always had it.

We use it effortlessly.

It is just not something special to us.

Yet to someone on the outside, it is an amazing talent.

To our friends and our clients, it seems like we have some incredible skill that they feel they could never develop.

And to us, what they can do is beyond us.

We always value what someone else can do much higher than we value our own skills.

Precisely because they can do it and we can’t.

And if we bring in a third person, they will be shocked at what both of us can do.

So if not so much about what we can or can not do.

It is about valuing our own innate talents and skills on par with other people’s innate talents and skills.

We all contribute in our own unique way.

We all can something that makes the world a better place to be.

Let’s learn to value all our contributions for what they are, and stop placing others, or ourselves, above anyone else.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

We Can Measure Our Success By More Than Money We Can Measure It By The Lives We Touch

Is bigger always better?

Is doing more always the answer?

Is working harder and constantly pushing ourselves to create more, have more, and make more always a good thing?

When do we start to take into account the impact the growth of our business or our company is having on our health, our relationships, our family?

Most of us are trained from the time we are very young to believe in the mantra, Bigger is Better.

We are told by our parents, by media, and by society at large, that you can’t be happy with just a modest income or a small business.

You have to build it big, grow it large, working harder and harder until that day when the big payoff comes.

The thing is, that big payoff doesn’t always come.

The fact is if you look at the statistics, the vast majority of the time we fail.

We get crushed by a competitor who has much deeper pockets than we do.

Someone else is hired who has a better degree or more advanced training and they become our boss instead of us moving ahead.

Rarely do we look at the impact working so hard is having on the other aspects of our life.

We don’t often evaluate how our relationships with those closest to us suffer from our focus on work.

We forget to take stock of all those times we missed being with our children.

And let’s forget about our health.

What about the toll are all those long days and the stress is taking on our bodies?

How much are we shortening our lifespan by not sleeping well over our worry over our work?

Perhaps there is another way. Perhaps we can have different values and different standards for our lives.

As the Dali Lama says, “The planet does not need more ‘successful people’. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of all kinds.”

So perhaps we can find a way to be a better healer and lover so we can be an example of how to live happily by a different standard.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Expectations Exist In The Future – Reality Exists In The Now

We all have expectations.

We expect our relationships to go one way and our careers to go another.

We expect our friends to treat us a certain way and our family to treat us another way.

All these expectations and more lead us down a path to one thing – pain.

Why do expectations almost always lead us to pain?

Because our expectations are rarely met, or if they are met, they are met not in the way we desire.

Another reason why expectations lead to pain is that they take our out of the moment, out of the now.

To be truly present at any given moment is to be beyond expectations.

Expectations exist in the future. Reality exists in the now.

When we are present with our friends, there is no judgment.

When we are present with any given task, there is no right or wrong.

In the present moment, there is only what is in front of us.

Our fears often take us out of the given moment, as do our hopes.

Our mind is rarely, if ever present.

Our bodies always are present.

To pay attention to our bodies is to be more present than paying attention to our minds.

To get out of the trap of expectations, perhaps we just need to be a little present to the moment.

In the present moment, everything is perfect.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Every Trigger Is An Opportunity To Do Deep Work

When we are triggered by someone in our life, we think the problem is with the other person.

We look at what they did or how they are as the issue.

Yet if we take it more as an opportunity to learn, we can get great insight about ourselves.

That little annoyance can reveal quite a bit about ourselves if we’re willing to look.

Why are we getting so bothered by that action or those words?

Who does that attitude remind us of?

Is there something in ourselves that that person reminds us of?

Lots of times the things in others that bother us the most are the aspects of ourselves that we don’t want to acknowledge.

Can’t stand someone else being cheap? How are we being cheap in our own lives? Perhaps with ourselves?

Don’t like how that person is talking to you? Who do they remind you of? Perhaps a parent or sibling?

The people around act as mirrors for us to see ourselves.

What we see in them, what we like and what we don’t like, says more about us than it does about them.

Being triggered by how a person acts, how they look, or what they say is great!

The more we are triggered the more we can come face to face with our own issues.

So let’s face our triggers, not with anger or annoyance. Let’s face them with curiosity and enthusiasm!

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

You Can Be Right Or You Can Be Happy – You Can Rarely Be Both

We never really win an argument.

No matter how hard we try to convince the other person that they are wrong, they will only dig in their heels.

If anything, they will only be more convinced they are right.

And if by some miracle we do get them to concede that we are right and they are wrong, they will remain angry at us.

If we lose, we lose, and if we win, we lose.

Perhaps because we are playing the wrong game?

Maybe what we should be concerned with is not winning, but being happy.

The old adage is ” You can be right, or you can be happy, but you can rarely be both.”

If we change our focus from one of winning to one of happiness, we can play a totally different game.

And then we play in a totally different way.

Because now it is not about the end result, it is about how we play.

When we give up our need to be right and focus on our desire to be happy, we can joyful skip down the road.

We can let others have whatever opinions they want to have.

As long as we’re happy, who cares?

Yet being in that joyful place will attract others to wonder why are you so happy?

Maybe then they also will give up the need to be right and focus on being happy instead.

That is how we all win.

So let’s stop playing the win-lose type of game, and learn to play more win-win games.

After all, aren’t they much more fun?

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Play Can Be Deep Work

Sometimes, play can be deep inner work.

Yes, it can be superficial.

Yes, it can be just a distraction.

Yes, it can be nothing but play.

And it can be just what we needed.

Play is how the mind makes new connections.

Play is how we learn and grow.

When we get too serious, too stressed, we need play more than ever.

When we want to be more creative, play is necessary.

When we want to find a new solution, play allows us to be free.

Making time to play is never a waste.

The results may not show up right away, yet they will follow.

Are we taking enough time to play in our lives?

Perhaps we can all play a little more, and learn to be playful in our most serious work.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant