Feeling Safe Is Essential For Us To Heal, Grow, And Be Authentic

Feeling safe is more important than we think.

Feeling safe is about more than our environment.

Feeling safe involved more than just the people we’re surrounded by.

Feeling safe is essential for us to heal, grow, and be authentic.

As human beings we get traumatized by many things.

Our nervous systems respond to all sorts of stimuli.

Someone yelling at us on the phone can be traumatic and make us feel unsafe.

A person’s energy when they walk into the elevator with us can make us feel unsafe.

A dark and deserted place can make use feel unsafe as well.

What triggers one person may not be what triggers someone else.

As individuals, we all come to life with different associations and different experiences.

Do we really know when we make someone else feel unsafe?

Are we aware of what we do for others that does make them feel safe?

Without feeling safe we cannot relax.

Without feeling safe we cannot allow ourselves to show how we really feel inside.

Without feeling safe we cannot begin or engage in any kind of healing.

What we often overlook is that we first have to feel safe with ourselves, before we can feel safe with anyone else.

Sometimes, we don’t even consider what situations we need to be in to feel safe.

Do we feel safe with our families?

Do we feel safe with our friends?

Do we feel safe in our work environment?

What is the solution when we don’t feel safe?

Change where we are. Change who we are with. Change what we are experiencing.

When we find a moment’s peace, then we can begin to analyze what we need to feel safe.

When we are alone, and present to ourselves, then we can feel our bodies and see where there is tension or concern.

Knowing what we need to feel safe is important for us to create safety for others.

If we all keep in mind what it means to feel safe and to how to create safety around us, perhaps we can create a safer world.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

We Create Our Lives Through Our Focus, Energy, and Decisions

Taking responsibility for our lives is not easy.

It means accepting that we create all the good stuff and all the bad stuff in our lives.

It means there is no one else to blame for our situation.

Yet it also means we are empowered to create something different.

Often, we fall into the trap of making excuses and blaming others for where we are in life.

We are where we are because of our parents, our teachers, our coaches, our bosses, or our lovers.

We are sad or angry or upset because of what someone else has done.

We cannot do what we truly want because of our responsibilities to others.

Yet, who agreed to be in those situations to begin with?

How we came to our choices and decisions may go far back.

Perhaps a decision we made in school had far reaching effects on our lives.

At the time, we had no clue how that one little choice would send us in a totally different trajectory.

And step by step, we move towards one thing or away from another.

The energy we put into each situation has consequences and moves us further towards or away from what we want.

As days and weeks and months pass, we may even forget that original choice.

Years go by and instead of being in one place we are in a completely different place.

So who is say that it’s better or worse than someplace else?

Ultimately it is a place of our own making.

It is a place formulated by our own choices.

It is a situation that  arises from the energy we put out.

Yes, that means we are responsible for where we are.

Yes, that mean we have to take credit for all the bad as well as all the good around us.

Yes, that means we have created our lives to be exactly how they are at this moment.

The good news is that we can always learn to make different choices.

As long as we are still breathing, we have an opportunity to do something different.

The real question is, what are we going to do with this power?

What are we going to create next in our lives?

Who are we going to show up as and be next?

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

By Appreciating More And Comparing Less We Enrich Our Lives

We spend a great deal of time comparing ourselves to others.

He’s so much taller than I am.

She looks so much thinner than I am.

They have a bigger house than we do.

These comparisons rarely bring us peace or joy.

Do you think she’s prettier than me?

He looks like he makes more money than I do.

Look at that new car, it must run so much better than ours.

Yes, it depends on which side of the equation we are on.

Yet even when we temporarily make ourselves feel better by comparing, in the long run, there’s always someone who has something nicer, bigger, or better than we do.

Do you think this restaurant is better than the other one?

Do you like this movie better than the one last year?

Is this book a better read than that one?

Especially when we compare two things that are not directly comparable, we set ourselves up for disagreement.

How about, they are both good in different ways?

How about, I enjoyed both equally for different reasons?

How about, For where I was at that time in my life it was perfect, and now that I’m at a different place, this is perfect instead?

 There are many factors that go into what is good/best/better at a specific time.

By comparing different things that all have something to contribute we diminish each one.

When we learn to see everything as having some value, each in it’s own unique way, we add to each one.

When we stop comparing and start seeing things in their own light, we can appreciate each one.

Yes, there are times when comparison can be useful.

Yet perhaps we can enrich our lives by appreciating more and comparing less.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Sitting Still Allows Us To Be More Present To Ourselves And Others

How are we present to ourselves?

Can we sit still and just be aware of our feelings?

Do we fidget and become restless in our seats looking for something to do?

How we are when we are by ourselves actually tells us a lot about ourselves.

When we are at peace with ourselves, it is easy to sit and be still.

When we are uncomfortable with some aspect of ourselves, it is hard to spend time alone.

When we take a moment to just breath and relax are we really relaxed?

Most of the time, we are not relaxed around ourselves.

We need to be doing something or be engaged in a conversation.

We look for some kind of distraction to take us away from how we are really feeling.

Yet, if we take a moment to explore that feeling instead of avoid, we can learn quite a bit.

We can see more clearly where our work is.

We can feel what it is that triggers us.

We can discover what unresolved issues are rolling around inside of us.

It is not always comfortable to just sit with ourselves.

In fact, it can be quite challenging.

Yet the rewards are enormous.

And the practice itself is quite helpful.

It gives us that moment of peace with which we can enter our day.

It helps us to be more centered and grounded.

It reminds us to be more gentle and more kind with ourselves.

And it calls us to be more present to everything in our lives.

Presence allows us to be more available to others, and to ourselves.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Boldness Builds A Life Free From Fear And Regret

There are many fears in life that bother us.

There’s the fear of being alone.

There’s the fear of loss of a loved one.

There’s the fear of lack of resources.

There are many little fears we live with every day.

The fear of pain.

The fear of missing out.

The fear of being last.

All these fears, when taken to the extreme, are ultimately one big fear.

The fear of death.

The fear of the unknown that lies beyond that singular point at the end of life.

We fear to be alone because in the jungle it can mean death.

We fear to be without resources for that can lead to death as well.

We fear losing others because that only reminds us of our own mortality.

Yes, a healthy fear of death can help us to stay alive.

Yet when our fears become unhealthy and run our lives instead of our passions, we become paralyzed.

To overcome our fear of death is not natural.

To override that most basic instinct takes a lot of internal work.

Yet the more we learn to overcome the small fears, the more we eat away at the big fear.

The surest way to get past our fear of death is to live life fully.

To live with the reminder that every day could be our last.

To live life in bold, outrageous fashion.

Moderation is for monks.

Meekness is for puppies.

Fate favors the bold and being bold diminishes regret.

How can we be bolder in our own lives?

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Releasing Control And Trusting More Allows Life To Surpass Our Imagination

We often get in trouble when we focus too much on control.

The desire for control comes from more than fear.

We look to control our circumstance, our environment, and our relationships because of something deeper.

It comes from a profound lack of trust.

A lack of trust in ourselves.

A lack of trust in the world.

A lack of trust in Life.

In our minds, we have good reasons for this lack of trust.

Yet if we look deep into our hearts, we want to trust more than anything else.

Making the effort to control everything in our lives is exhausting.

It also leaves little room for Life to bring us the unexpected.

While that may sound comforting to us, it is also quite limiting.

Life can surprise us with the most amazing adventures when we allow it to.

Giving up control is not about releasing our responsibilities in our lives.

It is about trusting ourselves deeply that we can handle and thrive in any situation Life brings us.

By trusting more and controlling less, we can allow amazing circumstances to develop.

We can allow others to contribute more and truly create team efforts.

We can lessen the stress in our lives and live more joyfully.

We can start to have a happier journey throughout our lives.

Yes, control can be very comforting.

Is it worth it?

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Expectations Exist In The Future – Reality Exists In The Now

We all have expectations.

We expect our relationships to go one way and our careers to go another.

We expect our friends to treat us a certain way and our family to treat us another way.

All these expectations and more lead us down a path to one thing – pain.

Why do expectations almost always lead us to pain?

Because our expectations are rarely met, or if they are met, they are met not in the way we desire.

Another reason why expectations lead to pain is that they take our out of the moment, out of the now.

To be truly present at any given moment is to be beyond expectations.

Expectations exist in the future. Reality exists in the now.

When we are present with our friends, there is no judgment.

When we are present with any given task, there is no right or wrong.

In the present moment, there is only what is in front of us.

Our fears often take us out of the given moment, as do our hopes.

Our mind is rarely, if ever present.

Our bodies always are present.

To pay attention to our bodies is to be more present than paying attention to our minds.

To get out of the trap of expectations, perhaps we just need to be a little present to the moment.

In the present moment, everything is perfect.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Our Monsters Are Here To Protect Our Innocence

We all have monsters within us.

We are taught to shun our monsters and keep them hidden.

This is because most people don’t really understand why the monsters are here.

By suppressing our monsters we allow them to fester in the unconscious.

And they will not stay there.

In time, all of our monsters come out.

Sometimes in positive ways, many times in damaging ways.

What we don’t understand is that our monsters are here to protect our innocence.

They are here because our inner child cannot deal with some harsh reality.

Perhaps it is some form of physical pain or emotional trauma that is too difficult to accept.

Perhaps it comes from the loss of a parent or person close to us.

Whatever the reason for the appearance of our monster, it is not here to destroy us.

It is here to help us. To protect us. To serve us.

Yet we have to mature and learn when we are ready to release our monsters.

Yes, they served us well and kept us from the pain.

Yet as we grow and face our pain, our monsters are no longer necessary.

We are no longer dependent on our monsters.

We can see them for what they are, be grateful to them for their service, and allow them to be integrated into our lives.

Our monsters are a part of us, yet they do not have rule over us.

When we are open to our monster’s messages, we can learn quite a lot about ourselves.

Our monsters are not that bad after all…

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

The More We Push Against Our Trauma, The More It Persists

It is so common to push against the uncomfortable experiences of our lives.

We cut ourselves off from our trauma and our heartbreaks.

We look to “fix” and “resolve” those experiences and how they have affected us.

Yet the more we push against them the more they persist.

The more we separate ourselves from those experiences, the more energy we give to them.

For those aspects of our lives will always push back with an equal or greater force.

What we look to deny and disavow in our lives ends up defining our lives.

This is why the abused turn into abusers.

Is there a better way?

How about stopping the act of pushing against them and giving them space to breathe?

How about acknowledging those aspects of our lives, and allowing them to have a voice?

What would they say to you? Are there lessons there that we are not listening to?

Can we learn to feel the pain and not judge it?

We are so programmed to only feel those feelings that comfort and elate us.

Yet there are so many feelings that don’t, and we are taught to judge and deny those feelings.

And the more we deny them, the more trouble they will cause in our lives.

When we embrace them, dance with them, hold them without judgment or disdain, then we can process them and move beyond them.

The more we learn to allow all of the feelings that arise in our lives, the freer we become to live life fully.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Every Trigger Is An Opportunity To Do Deep Work

When we are triggered by someone in our life, we think the problem is with the other person.

We look at what they did or how they are as the issue.

Yet if we take it more as an opportunity to learn, we can get great insight about ourselves.

That little annoyance can reveal quite a bit about ourselves if we’re willing to look.

Why are we getting so bothered by that action or those words?

Who does that attitude remind us of?

Is there something in ourselves that that person reminds us of?

Lots of times the things in others that bother us the most are the aspects of ourselves that we don’t want to acknowledge.

Can’t stand someone else being cheap? How are we being cheap in our own lives? Perhaps with ourselves?

Don’t like how that person is talking to you? Who do they remind you of? Perhaps a parent or sibling?

The people around act as mirrors for us to see ourselves.

What we see in them, what we like and what we don’t like, says more about us than it does about them.

Being triggered by how a person acts, how they look, or what they say is great!

The more we are triggered the more we can come face to face with our own issues.

So let’s face our triggers, not with anger or annoyance. Let’s face them with curiosity and enthusiasm!

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant