Standing Up For Ourselves Is Not Selfish It Is How We Meet Our Needs

For some of us, the lesson of standing up for ourselves is a big one.

We have been taught to be nice and not cause trouble.

We give in too easy to others or we do not ask for what we want or need.

There is a better way to show up.

We can stand up for ourselves without being belligerent.

We can stand up for ourselves and ask for what we need without getting emotional.

We can stand up for ourselves by simply saying no.

Standing up for ourselves does not mean we are being selfish.

It does not mean we are self-centered.

It only means that we value ourselves and our needs.

If we all learned to stand up for ourselves in a firm yet gentle manner, life would be clearer.

Boundaries would be more evident.

Desires would be more out in the open.

And when our desires do not match what the other is willing or able to give,  we can walk away without any hard feelings.

Expectations would be clear from the start.

Our positions at work and at home would be apparent.

And because all of these things would be more recognizable, we would actually receive more of what we need.

What kind of world would we be living in if that were the case?

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Many Times Slowing Down Is The Fastest Way To Get To Where We Are Going

You see it everywhere.

People are rushing from one place to the next.

Rushing to get their project done.

Rushing to go home, go away, go get their coffee.

We rush because we think that’s the fastest way to get something done.

Yet when we rush all the time we miss things.

We miss the little details that make all the difference.

We miss the birds chirping as we walk to the train.

We miss the error in the program as we rush to finish the app.

We miss the look on our partner’s face as we rush out the door to get to work.

Sometimes, perhaps even most times, by slowing down we actually are going the fastest way.

By slowing down we can take in more.

By slowing down we can be more present.

By slowing down we can feel more of what is going on inside and outside of us.

When we take the time to really look at what is going on, either at work, at home, or anywhere in between, we can often find a better, simpler, more direct way to achieve what we are looking for.

It may be counter-intuitive, yet it still works.

Even taking the time to ask ourselves, “What am I trying to achieve?” can slow us down and help to remind us what it is we are really after.

Do we slow down enough to read the entire article?

Do we slow down enough to see the smile on our lover’s lips?

Do we slow down enough to see the potential hazard on the road?

Speed does not equal the shortest distance.

Taking our time is sometimes the fastest way to get where we are going.

Or perhaps it is just about recognizing that we are already there…

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

By Appreciating More And Comparing Less We Enrich Our Lives

We spend a great deal of time comparing ourselves to others.

He’s so much taller than I am.

She looks so much thinner than I am.

They have a bigger house than we do.

These comparisons rarely bring us peace or joy.

Do you think she’s prettier than me?

He looks like he makes more money than I do.

Look at that new car, it must run so much better than ours.

Yes, it depends on which side of the equation we are on.

Yet even when we temporarily make ourselves feel better by comparing, in the long run, there’s always someone who has something nicer, bigger, or better than we do.

Do you think this restaurant is better than the other one?

Do you like this movie better than the one last year?

Is this book a better read than that one?

Especially when we compare two things that are not directly comparable, we set ourselves up for disagreement.

How about, they are both good in different ways?

How about, I enjoyed both equally for different reasons?

How about, For where I was at that time in my life it was perfect, and now that I’m at a different place, this is perfect instead?

 There are many factors that go into what is good/best/better at a specific time.

By comparing different things that all have something to contribute we diminish each one.

When we learn to see everything as having some value, each in it’s own unique way, we add to each one.

When we stop comparing and start seeing things in their own light, we can appreciate each one.

Yes, there are times when comparison can be useful.

Yet perhaps we can enrich our lives by appreciating more and comparing less.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

All Of Life Is Lived In The Present Moment

Living in the future is easy.

We all do it sometimes.

We look forward to some event or goal.

We allow it to consume our attention until that special day arrives.

Then the future is here.

We have made our goal or accomplishment.

Now what do we do?

We make another one!

Which is all fine and dandy, unless it keeps us from living in the present.

When we live in the present we can still march towards our goals.

Yet we become more aware of our steps.

We see more of our surroundings.

We feel more of the wind on our face.

When we are truly being present to our lives we are engaged more fully.

We pay attention to the here and now and what is right before us.

When we live in the future we put off our enjoyment.

We delay our happiness.

We forgo our peace and live as if we are constantly running.

It is not an external running, but an internal running.

We are always longing for the next big thing.

The next shiny object.

The next promotion.

When we are present we are living our lives to the fullest.

We are happy, sad, joyful, terrified, anxious, and much more.

And we feel all of it.

We feel it deeply and in our whole body.

It can be scary and it can be exhilarating.

Mostly though, it is just what is feels like to be alive.

We can share our presence with those we love in a manner that truly serves.

And we can revel in the moments that make us feel amazing.

It is all here waiting for us.

In the present moment.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

It Is Only By Loving Where We Come From That We Can Truly Love Ourselves

Self-love appears to be difficult to achieve.

There are so many things about ourselves that seem to get in the way.

Everything from what we have been told since we where children to what we have experienced as adults.

There always seems to be more reasons not to love ourselves than to love ourselves.

Yet, we can achieve that peaceful place.

It does take work. It does take self-reflection.

Mostly, it takes the willingness to look at all sides of ourselves and love them.

It means not just loving who we are, it means loving where we come from.

That is often the toughest part.

Can we love our family?

Can we love our parents?

Regardless of our experience or our perceptions, if we can not love our parents, how can we love ourselves?

After all, our parents are a part of ourselves.

They live inside of us.

They are in our DNA.

Their imprint on us is a large part of who we are.

It may not be easy to do, especially when there is abuse and trauma involved.

Yet when we come to that point, that point of forgiveness and acceptance, we achieve great peace.

When we learn to love the unlovable, we have truly learn to love ourselves.

Yes, it is a process.

Yes, it takes time.

Yes, it often takes guidance and support from other people.

Yet when we arrive, regardless of how much effort or struggle it took, we find it more than worth it.

Are you ready to begin your journey of self-love and self-acceptance?

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Appreciation Is Not Only For The Appreciated It Lifts Our Spirit & Connects Us

Appreciation is not for the appreciated.

Acknowledgment, however, is for the acknowledged.

Often the two are confused.

The purpose behind each one is also often lost.

When we appreciate others we feel better.

Of course, because we feel better and we appreciate them, they feel better as well.

Yet we often don’t realize that our appreciation of others is its own reward.

We not only feel good, it also allows us to feel appreciated too.

When we know what the feeling of appreciation is like, we can allow it in as well.

The feeling of appreciation is a feeling of connection.

It reminds us that there are other people who feel good to us.

In turn, we feel good to them.

Acknowledgment means we recognize them for the appreciation we feel.

The act of Acknowledgment helps remind them that they are connected to us.

That we see them.

That we feel them in a way that lifts us all up.

Appreciation lifts our own spirit.

Acknowledgment lifts up everyone’s spirit.

Together, they allow us to form community and to heal.

To know we are accepted and to feel we are seen.

The more we appreciate, the more we can acknowledge.

So who can we appreciate and acknowledge  more in our lives?

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Sitting Still Allows Us To Be More Present To Ourselves And Others

How are we present to ourselves?

Can we sit still and just be aware of our feelings?

Do we fidget and become restless in our seats looking for something to do?

How we are when we are by ourselves actually tells us a lot about ourselves.

When we are at peace with ourselves, it is easy to sit and be still.

When we are uncomfortable with some aspect of ourselves, it is hard to spend time alone.

When we take a moment to just breath and relax are we really relaxed?

Most of the time, we are not relaxed around ourselves.

We need to be doing something or be engaged in a conversation.

We look for some kind of distraction to take us away from how we are really feeling.

Yet, if we take a moment to explore that feeling instead of avoid, we can learn quite a bit.

We can see more clearly where our work is.

We can feel what it is that triggers us.

We can discover what unresolved issues are rolling around inside of us.

It is not always comfortable to just sit with ourselves.

In fact, it can be quite challenging.

Yet the rewards are enormous.

And the practice itself is quite helpful.

It gives us that moment of peace with which we can enter our day.

It helps us to be more centered and grounded.

It reminds us to be more gentle and more kind with ourselves.

And it calls us to be more present to everything in our lives.

Presence allows us to be more available to others, and to ourselves.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Our Life Is Created From The Meaning We Make And The Stories We Tell

From the moment we are born we begin to create stories around our experiences.

We start to label events as good or bad.

We then reflect on those judgments and make them mean something.

We’re a bad person because some we didn’t like happened to us.

Life is good because we got something we wanted.

People love me because they give me attention.

The world sucks because someone hurt me.

All of these thoughts are stories that may not have anything to do with the factual events.

These stories hold great power over us as we make significant meaning from them about our lives.

I’m worthless.

I can’t do anything right.

I’m a failure.

These stories soon become our identity, and we unconsciously find ways to live into these identities.

My life is blessed.

I always find a way.

I can do anything I set my mind to.

It doesn’t matter if these stories support us or disempower us, they still have great power over us.

These stories soon become programs we run over and over in our heads as we encounter new situations.

The truth of these beliefs become apparent in our experience.

Yet they are only true because we believe in them and we have made so much meaning from them.

The most important key to using this to our advantage is that it is all made up!

We created the meaning behind all these programs and we can change the meaning if we wish.

A black cat walking in front of us can no longer mean something bad will happen to us, but that animals love us.

The challenges we face are not because we are no good, but because we are stronger than we know.

Our life is no longer dependant on the stories we created a long time ago.

We can create new stories with new meanings every single day.

We can make new meanings of everything in our life that truly supports and empowers us.

So what stories and meaning have you made from your life that you want to make new meaning from?

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

The Moments Lived Being Truly Present Are The Most Precious Of All

What do we measure a life by?

Do we measure it by the number of dollars earned?

Do we measure it by the number of lives touches?

Or can we stop measuring everything and just acknowledge that each life is precious?

We all contribute in our own way.

We all add to the fullness that is life in this world.

We all add to the richness that makes up the tapestry of creation.

Regardless of how much money we have earned.

Regardless of how many accomplishments we are credited with.

Regardless of the races won.

The moments we live being truly present with another being are the most precious of all.

In the end, a life lived with joy an compassion is the richest life of all.

It is not about who is the most productive.

It is not about who makes the most deals.

It is not about who has the largest, or smallest, family.

Our energy, our presence, creates a unique impact on this planet.

We all add something to the mix.

If we were not here, things would be different.

If we never existed, life would be unimaginably altered.

We all have a place in this world, from the poorest of the poor to the richest and most famous.

Our roles are different, our purposes diverse.

As we learn to revel in our differences and stop comparing ourselves to others, we start to live life more fully.

When we focus on each moment as the precious gift it is, we become rich in experience.

How are you measuring your life?

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

If We Are Not Selfish We Cannot Take Care Of The Larger Whole

Why do we find it so difficult to ask for what we want?

Why do we fear the reactions we will receive when we do?

Is that label of being called Selfish so derogatory that we cannot even go near it?

Society often uses the term “Selfish” when an individual voices their need or desire.

Being Selfish is about being concerned for the Self.

Self-care is not only important, it is essential for our health and growth.

We cannot contribute to society without taking care of our selves first.

Being called “Selfish” is a form of control society uses to get individuals to do what Society wants.

It is all about placing Society’s needs above the individual’s needs.

The fallacy of that point of view is that if the individuals are not taken care of, they cannot take care of society.

So why should we fear being called Selfish?

Actually, it is a compliment.

It means we are strong enough and wise enough to consider our own needs first before we can consider others.

When we come from a place of strength, we are able to contribute more.

When we come from a place of strength, we are able to give from a deeper place.

When we come from a place of strength, we are able to truly give what someone needs most.

We can all learn something from being a little more Selfish.

It means opening our hearts to ourselves first, then we can open to others.

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant